We didn't come here to die!

Monday! It was the worst day in a long time. I got to work at 6:45a and didn't escape it's awful clutches until 5:15p. I was not happy. Too much work, and not enough hourly pay to compensate me for that time. I came home, took a shower, drank 2 beers, and walked up to watch a little league game. The day turned around pretty fast. I went to sleep early, and pretty happy. The day started terribly, and ended up pretty darn nice.

Tuesday! This was the BEST day in a long time. The more I thought... it was probably one of the best days this year, workwise. I got a bunch of everything done, I was able to pay close attention to everything because I finally had the time to do it. I still got there and left at the same times (actually 5pm today), but the time passed by pretty nicely, and I left feeling like I'd accomplished something... a feeling I haven't had in forever. I wonder what tomorrow is going to bring... hopefully more good... we'll see...

I wonder how many times I could talk about my cat that ran away in this thing. God. I'm a little crazy about that I guess. Safe-crazy... I think... not cutting myself and spinning in circles to paint some scuzzy public bathroom red "just so I can feel" kind of crazy. But, in talking about my cat today I started thinking about something, and now it's stuck in my brain.

Jaime and I were riding on the bus, and in a typical fit of just saying something to start talking about anything other than work I said "I'm going to paint Jim black and pretend he's Willow". Now, was I really going to paint the cat when I got home? Probably not. Certainly possible, but I would have had to stop and buy paint, and I don't think I could paint him and live with myself in good conscience. But Jaime's response was "You should get a kitten". Hmm... there's something I hadn't thought about. I think I've always considered that as replacing Willow, and if i couldn't hang on to a measly cat for a few years, why the hell should I get another one? Just to lose that one too? Maybe to get another shot at not succeeding and not knowing if the well being of an animal is the prize for the loser? Maybe to try and recreate that love I had for that cat?

Isn't that why we get new pets anyhow? A pet dies, and it's an awful thing. They become as much of our family as the relatives in some other state that you never see, if not more. They become eating, shitting, demanding memories of our families. Don't they ultimately turn out to be almost the same friend as pets past? They all do downright adorable stuff, have similar mannerisms, and depending on the animal could be all but exactly the same as their predecessors.

So, anyhow, I thought about this for about the next 5 - 15 seconds and thought... "Next time, I'm going to rescue an adult cat, and not a kitten." Why? The first thing that came to mind was a child's face when they are given a kitten versus a child's face when they are given a cat. Kittens are all kinds of cute regardless of markings, if they've just scratched the holy shit out of you, if they've peed on your pillow, or if they've eaten too fast and thrown up in their food bowl. They're just kittens after all, and my blood pressure goes through the roof at the thought of anyone who doesn't think a kitten is cute. I can understand not liking cats... but kittens? Come now.... it's just crazy talk.

Rescuing an adult cat would be kind of awesome. I'm sure it's traumatic for the cat, because at that point they've been through who knows what, and might come into the house and never warm up to anyone. Looking at the flipside of that coin, they could sit in a cage, never get to run around a house with no one else home, never get to eat whenever they wanted to, never get selected to live at someones house, and end up being put to death because no one wants them. Which is better? I say having a mangy cat around the house that hates you. Eventually he/she is bound to realize that he/she is dependent on you and possibly rub up against your leg on accident in the kitchen while you're making dinner, or get confused and jump up on the same couch you're sitting on.

Someone ALWAYS wants a kitten. Eventually I'm sure 1 out of 10 of those people who can't live without a kitten gives it up because they have kids, or they can't afford it, or it's tearing their house apart or they're just generally awful people and have issues with seeing something until its end. (This is the part where I regretfully admit that my stupid cat ran away, conceivably because she hated me, and I wasn't attentive enough to her while she was here so I'm a terrible cat owner. Fuck you.) Anyhow, when those people give up their kittens (turned cats) where do they go? They let them loose outside, never to be seen again, or they take them to shelters and hopefully someone adopts them. I could be that somebody!

I'm not decided on this, and in fact I'm months if not years away from choosing to get another cat, but I guess what I'm trying to say is... I realized that today I have a soul... that was mildly refreshing because sometimes I feel kind of dead inside. I can't believe the first thing I thought of was a look on a kid's face... I can't stand children.

I don't have anything else to talk about. I'm all done now.