IMPORTANT UPDATE!!

I don't think I like deviled eggs anymore. The thought of them is kind of giving me the creeps.

All I wanna know is a goddamn thing.

I wonder if posting a picture in this thing will work. I've never tried that before. Let's start off with something simple, and then perhaps I'll try to incorporate pictures into this... here we go.

^^Can anyone see that?^^

If so, that is a picture of two of the three Ergs! playing a short set in a parking lot in Baltimore during Insubordination Fest '07. We were all packed in the Ottobar in Baltimore when all of the sudden a transformer went outside. Not like... Starskreem kind of transformer... more like an electric transformer. We all milled around outside for what felt like forever... then someone broke out and acoustic guitar and we all sat in the parking lot and watched. Two-Thergs, Eric Peabody, and Jon and Lucas playing Charlies Brown Gets A Valentine songs. It was pretty great. Memories.

I messed up making hard boiled eggs last night. Are you kidding me? First I learn that I'm a fool because there are 9 year olds that know not only words I've never heard of, but also how to spell them? Yesterday was a mighty humbling day to say the least. Screwed up hard boiled eggs... sheesh.. what do I do for an encore? Oh, I know... I'll need a 2nd or 3rd shot at making a glass of water. I'm a moron.

I'm going for Deviled Eggs: Round 2 right now. I'm confident in the first part. The hard boiled eggs part. If I ruin it this time, rest assured this will be my last blog entry. If I cut one of those little bastards in half and theres a gooey yolk inside I'm going to promptly run as fast as I can up to the top floor of the house, shedding clothes along the way. When I get to the top floor I'm going to dive, naked through the pane glass window and 3 floors down to my ultimately hilarious death. Naked and bloody in the front yard after a 3 story fall. With my luck, I'll survive and be unable to move laying there with the neighbors dog peeing on me, kids skateboarding on me and putting fireworks on me. The landlord will probably tell me it was really unacceptable for me to jump out of the 3rd floor and merely cripple myself.

Oh man, this segue kicks ass, and I'm oddly proud myself. This is probably sort of weird, and I know several people who have had pretty life changing experience based on it, but I'm kind of wanted to put on "paper" something I've been thinking about for a long time. Suicide. I can't fathom how life could be SO bad that there's no escape other than the ultimate escape. I think everyone had their fair share of issues, some more deep seeded than others, some more unthinkable than others... but how crazy must it be to have something looming so large that you find taking your own life to be the solution? I can't imagine. That person has to think there is no one in the world who has bigger problems than they do. It's the ultimate in selfish. "No one could ever feel as horrible, and want to die as much as I do". Think about that. Maybe I just don't know what having problems is like...

I'm pretty stoked on being alive. I like the variables, I like the soaring highs, dread the crushing lows, I like a lazy day where you know you've got things to do... but don't bother with the effort. I like sunny days, cloudy days, thunderstorms, wind... I just have a pretty bizarre appreciation for what makes the next day unlike the previous. Even if the events are the same... wake up, go to work, come home, sleep. I like that every day has the possibility of being something totally out of control, something surprisingly perfect, or maybe even the worst day of your life. I don't deal well with change, but I deal very well with the unknown.

I've had two Parasites records for a really long time, and I think I might have listened to them many years ago and not liked them so much... what was I thinking? They're so good! Nice poppy summery kind of music... for me at least.

This is all I've got for today. Mike and I are going to the batting cages. Then I'm going to come home and put down these deviled eggs. I really hope they are as good as I remember them being, if not, this build up is going to be quite the let down. BLAHG.

My week has been very much like "Cliffhangers" from the Price Is Right

Since no one is leaving anything in the comments section, I assume because folks are really busy, and possibly not able to escape their busy schedules to give me something to write about, I'm going to reach out to 5 people and ask for topics. The 1st person is sitting in the other room on his computer, the 2nd person is in North Carolina, and gave birth to me, the 3rd is a huge reason I still have a job, the 4th is living in Seattle and no doubt doing awesome things, and the 5th is in Seattle doing married dude stuff.

1. Brian - BBQ - burgers - variations of burgers
2. Mom - my dream summer vacation
3. Maria - Something I held or hold in childlike wonder
4. ChrisCrusher - The Spelling Bee (which is amazing, because we're both watching it)
5. Nick - Missing in action. No response. He's dead to me. :)

I was going to pick one of the 5 (now 4) and write about that, but I've got some time on my hands and nothing to do, so I'm going to take a little bit from each one of these... or perhaps this will end up being way too long.


BBQ - Burgers

Waking up this morning I cleared the cobwebs, got myself a glass of water and worked on figuring out what I was going to do with myself for the day. All I could think about (and still can think about) is eating a cheeseburger. Not just meat, cheese, and bun... but some kind of awesome cheeseburger. I think because it was morning I was thinking about eating a chili cheeseburger with an over medium egg. Eggs always sound appealing to me in the morning, but I rarely eat breakfast... I just don't have time in the morning before leaving for work to bother with breakfast, and I'm not willing to sacrifice sleep for food. Ever. The burger I've got my heart set on would be a medium burger, with bleu cheese, roasted red pepper, and avocado. It sounds so good right now, and I'm pretty excited to make this dream a reality.

Thinking about burgers past, and BBQ past I've got a few memories to share, which are only going to continue to make me hungry and excited for the prospect of a late afternoon burger.

Brandon, Brian and I bought 4 pounds of bacon one night and went to Brian's parents house. We mixed up the 4 pounds of bacon with a bottle of BBQ sauce and went out to the porch to get to eating. We grilled the bacon on Brian's parents grill, and ate the entire 4 pounds between the 3 of us. That night probably took at least 1 year off of my life, but it was delicious. I remember waking up the next morning and feeling like I wasn't able to move, and that there was no shot at any kind of healthy poop.

There was a pretty amazing burger we made one evening which involved a medium burger (all burgers should be medium... none of this over cooked hockey puck crap) stuffed with cheese, a sunny side up egg, chili, onion rings, mozzerlla sticks and bacon. Brian just referred to this as the "Death Burger". I remember thinking that was probably going to be way too much to sit between a bun and be anywhere near good... but wow. That burger was nothing short of amazing, and probably also shaved somewhere near a year off of my life.

I love eating. I don't want to live in a world where eating isn't one of the best things ever. I think it's totally OK to take a little bit of time off of the end of your life in order to live a life where the delicious is key, and the consciousness of healthy can take the back seat. We'll make it up in the later days of life by eating vegetables, wheat bread, diet everything, and low sodium blah blah blah.

My Dream Summer Vacation

Well, I think my dream summer vacation, mind you this is a dream, but it's my dream and here is how it goes.

There is no airplane involved, there is no bus or train involved. There are two people, which in this dream would consist of my imaginary girlfriend and I, and a car that could get us where we needed to go. We'd leave Philadelphia and head west.

First stop? Columbus, Ohio. Brian, Mike and I took a trip to Chicago a year or 2 back and stopped in Columbus and I had the best pizza i've ever had, in my life. Which says a lot, because I'm always game for eating pizza, and I'd like to think I've eaten more than my fair share of pizza and truely believe that I know what makes good pizza. This place, Hound Dogs, had an nice thick crust pizza, with a good buttery crust, and the toppings were fresh, the amount of cheese used was just perfect, and the atmosphere was pretty amazing. The afternoon stop would be at Hound Dogs for beers and pizza, and then we would head to any of the basements in Columbus that have shows. In my dream vacation I would be able to decide who is going to play in this basement, and it would be Delay, Pretty Boy Thorson and the Falling Angels, the Dopamines, and Tim Barry.

From there, we would travel further west to Chicago. A Cubs game would be the first thing we would do. An afternoon game, in August Chicago heat with a few Old Styles, a Wrigley dog, and a Cubs victory. We would sing "Go, Cubs, Go" after the game and head out to the streets to mingle with other Cubs fans, watch the players come out, and check out all of the street performers. After the Wrigleyville festivities we would head to Lou Malnati's for deep dish Chicago pizza, but it would be take out, and not eating in. We would take that pizza to the shore of Lake Michigan, eat dinner, and fall asleep as the sun went down. Waking up the next day we would head into the city to the loop, the place with the burgers named after heavy metal bands, and then to a show to see the Copyrights and the Lawrence Arms. We would sit up late that night and discuss how wonderful the city is and how we don't look forward to making the trip back east to resume our lives and the normal day to day routines that made this vacation nothing but mandatory.

We'd decide to set up shop in Chicago. Leaving behind all that we know, but not leaving behind what we love... taking that with us, and knowing that we didn't need anything but each other to remain happy, and there was no such thing as starting over, only finding our happiness in growing old together, and living not for anything but each other. Forgetting about the hassles and headaches of the lives we shared with so many other people, and just knowing that each other is all we need. Wow. My dream kicks ass. My dream vacation involves falling in, and being in love. What a kick in the face...

Also, in my dream my imaginary girlfriend would have to love punkrock, baseball, beer, and pizza... and me.

Something I held or hold in childlike wonder

There's a few things on this list. There are things that I have held or hold very close. Music is first and foremost. There aren't any emotions that can't be felt or conveyed through a perfect song. Hope, fear, strength, love, regret, positivity, negativity, hate, lonliness, sadness... everything. It can all be felt through the perfect song, or record.

My cat. Every time I see him is like the first time I've ever laid eyes on him. He's perfect to me. His sister was also perfect to me, and I held her in the highest regard. Every time he sees something he's seen a thousand times he gets that look of amazement or realization on his face. His little memory must be capable of retaining little to no information for little to no amount of time. He remembers the simple things, and the things he does on a daily basis such as the litter box, where he sleeps, where his food and water are, and who he trusts. His sister remembered all of the same things except but her list of things she trusted was limited to very few things, and I was lucky enough to be one of those things. I miss her greatly. I truly held her in childlike wonder. I just got sad. I don't think I want to think about this anymore.

The Spelling Bee

I think the dedication these kids have to spelling is absolutely fucking amazing. It goes beyond reading books and memorizing words, how they're pronounced and how they're spelled. It goes deeply into cultural studies which I had never figured. These kids are in 8th grade! They're so much more cultured than most anyone I know. The real shitter of this whole thing, is the majority of the kids who are competing in this don't speak English as their first language. Come on! You've got to be kidding me. It really goes to show how behind, as Americans, our educational system really is. People who have come from other countries are kicking our asses at spelling words that are part of our OUR language. I'm amazed. I don't really know what else to say about the Spelling Bee, other than it's making me feel really stupid. 8th graders. Making me feel stupid. Great.

Another observation on the Spelling Bee. Holy crap. This is the most awkward group of kids ever crammed together in an auditorium. EVER. There's also 8th graders who have a better shot at growing a moustache than I do. I've been watching this thing for 3 hours now, and it's running past it's allotted TV time slot. They have to put the College Women's Softball World Series on another channel to accommodate the awesomeness that is, The Spelling Bee.

Eww... my landlord just got here, and is destined to piss me off. I can't stand him. I don't know if I've talked about this before, but I'd like to watch him get pulled apart my horses. He just informed me that having a lightbulb out in a closet is unacceptable. He can eat shit. Really? Is it the landlords duty to let us know that having a lightbulb out in a space that isn't even a room is unacceptable? Once again... eat shit, dude. Here he comes up the steps... the house, for the most part, meets his expectations for how other people should live. He can eat shit.


Bye. I'm done now. I need fun, and don't know where to find it today.

Trying to keep four walls from doing their worst.

Hmm... since my miserable Wednesday night, what have I been getting into? Then I'm going to attack my first topic in a very roundabout way. Pat made some crazy suggestion about Asbury Park, NJ and the declining something, and the building of stuff, and other things I'm not totally processing. Instead, I'm going to recap the top 3 shows I've seen in Asbury Park, NJ over the past 10+ years I've lived on the East Coast. Believe you me, children... this one isn't going to be easy. I'm going to list them in no particular order, because I think once I narrow it down to 3 shows, placing them 1 through 3 would be more difficult then the initial process of weeding out. However, the best show and one of the most bittersweet perfect nights of my life were spent in Asbury Park, NJ. I will always think of that November night when ever I think about live music, friends, or NJ. On with the show(s)...

The Cramps/Bouncing Souls/Blanks 77. 2/6/1998. Stone Pony.

This was my first Asbury Park show. My first NJ show, and the only time I would ever see the Cramps. Lux Interoir passed away this year, so the chances of seeing the Cramps again are beyond slim, and right next door to none. Blanks 77 started off the show with their fast, drunk and fun brand of 1977 style punkrock. They played mostly songs off of their first record Killer Blanks and a few songs off of their (at the time) upcoming record Tanked and Pogoed. The first time I saw the Blanks was at a ballet studio above a record store in Duluth, MN in 1996. I picked up their demo tape at that show (with the Quincy Punx) and fell in love with music right around that time. I remember being at that show and everyone who walked in through their painted/studded leather jackets in a huge pile. In my mind, that pile was like a small mountain, but thinking logically about it, it couldn't have been more than 25 jackets. Anyhow, I'm off topic.

Next to play that night was The Bouncing Souls. This would be the first time I'd seen the Souls in their home town, and it was shortly after the release of Maniacal Laughter. It was fantastic. They ripped through most of the perviously mentioned record, and played songs off of The Good The Bad and the Argyle.

The Cramps were next, and the room was really hot, and really crazy for a February night by the ocean. They exhausted their catalog and put on a pretty amazing show. I wasn't so into this band at the beginning of the night, but by the end of the night I was hooked, and proceeded to gobble up their back catalog in the years that followed this show. What a cool introduction to NJ, and punkrock on the East Coast.

Teenage Bottlerocket/The Unlovables/Psyched To Die/The Jurks Asbury Lanes. 10/22/2008.

The Bouncing Souls, living in Asbury Park, NJ worked with some local kids and opened up a bowling alley/show space on 4th street in Asbury Park. As of this show I had been there many times, but the gist of the place is a bar/bowling alley/show space. It's all ages, and embodies everything that should be about a safe fun place for kids and adults to hang out and see live music. Every major city should have a venue like this. The first time I was there, I knew that I was in the middle of something special that would be talked about and thought about for the rest of my life.

The Jurks were terrible. Case and point. I'd debate this all day long. They were awful. Next.

Psyched To Die played the 4 songs off of their recently released demo. Mike from the Ergs! plays in Psyched To Die and I was looking forward to hearing what the new project would sound like. They're more in the vein of early to mid 80's hardcore mixing elements from both the East and West Coast scenes. The set couldn't have been more than 10 minutes, and they didn't stop from the first count off to the last note.

New York City's The Unlovables played next. Mike Erg, once again playing double duty for the night, played drums for the band. They played songs off of both LP's and their early EP. I never got to see this band when Chelsea was sharing vocal duties with Hallie, but the early stuff reflects that their voices formed an almost perfect union.

Teenage Bottlerocket was next. They had just released Warning Device and the set was very heavy on that. They played a few tunes off of their 2nd release Total and at my request played One Helluva Party from Sack's (Kody's "party band") Get Wrecked. The atmosphere at this show was unbeatable, and by the end of the night I was ready to do some sleeping after some tough drinking at the Lanes bar... which I'm thinking heavily involved the keg of Pabst kept in the corner behind the bar.

The Ergs!/The Ergs!/The Ergs! - Asbury Lanes - 11/15/2008

The Ergs! came from South Amboy NJ and played pop punk songs... about girls, and everything else. They were excellent musicians, quality entertainers, and great guys. In November of last year they played their last two shows to a sold out Asbury Lanes. Friends from all over the world flew/drove in to Philadelphia and New York to be there for this night. We took full advantage of the evening and had the time of our lives. Tons of beer, sweat, high fives, hugs, butthole punches, and smiles graced the evening, and I wish that I lived with these friends and for this music for the rest of my life. We started the night before with the Ergs! last Philadelphia show, and went to an after party in Roxbourough. That night gets a little hazy, but I remember waking up on the couch bed, next to Jon and Dave and hearing nothing but a chorus of snores and disrupted breathing as we all tried to sleep off the previous nights destruction. We packed into cars and made the 2 hour trip to NJ so we could enjoy the day we'd all been waiting for. The supporting bands for the shows were Lemuria (Buffalo, NY), and Hunchback (NJ). There was a several hour break between shows for people to take a breather, get something to eat, and come back for the night cap. In between shows I went and hung out with my friend Chris from Seattle, who was incredible for his companionship for those hours. I had been going through quite the mess, and was determined to let my bad day start the next day, and not ruin my last night with pop punks finest. We drank some beers, peed in the hotel, and were generally chaotic until it was time to go back to the Lanes for the 2nd show. I was walking from the hotel to the car to put a poster away and I had a can of beer in my hand. I saw a police car approaching and attempted to ditch my beer in a pile of downed tree limbs. Sure enough, he saw me and stopped to talk to me and explain that I can't drink outside in NJ, and I needed to pick up my can before he gave me a ticket for public consumption and littering. I picked up my beer and crushed it in my hands. SLICE. Right into the tip of my middle finger and the blood started to flow. I still have a pretty kick ass reminder scar from this... just one more thing to never allow me to forget this night. I can look at the tip of my finger and instantly think of Rex, Dave, Drew, Brian, Mike, Jaime, The Ergs!, Mick, AllAgesDave throwing up and missing the show, hugging people I knew from the Internet, that overpriced shitty diner, ChrisCrusher and how amazing of a person and friend he is and how cute Sheena is.... off topic... back to it... I kept my "game face" on, thanked him for his kindness and proceeded to the car. I got back to the Lanes in time for the Ergs! to set up and get started. Highlights from this set were Ashley Sugarnotch, If You See Him Again, Pray For Rain, Your Cheated Heart, 1000 Letters... I could go on and on... They ended the night with the epic 17 minute jam Upstairs/Downstairs. The band ended the show by having Hunchback join them on stage to tear through the noisy version of U/D and destroying their instruments. They went out the best way possible. On the way home i threw my red Chuck Taylors out the window. They were filthy, soaked with beer, and I knew they would never see a night as amazing as the one they had just been though. I miss my friends from around the country, and would love to see them again... I'll see them in Baltimore this year, and we'll all share stories about how magical this evening was. This is embarrassing, but as I sit here and write this I'm all choked up with happiness. This was the best show, and best time I've ever had at a show all bottled up in one long, perfect day.

Do yourself a favor... http://www.noidearecords.com/ Pre-order the new Dear Landlord record. They're from Minneapolis, and are a much better band than anyone else wasting time making music right now. Mom, this one might not be up your alley... but, you get a shirt! I love shirts!

I'm gonna do stuff now. Come to think about it, I'm going to listen to the Ergs! now. If Lucy was here, and I was Charlie Brown... she would surely call me a Bloghead. I kill me. Have the best weekend ever, make it better than last weekend, but don't overdo it and ruin next weekend... every weekend needs to be better than the past, but a perfect setup for weekends to come. Get out there and enjoy.

Comment. Topics. Do something. I'm ready to write...

I've got to get down to something.

All right kids, this one ain't so uplifting. Grammar police, get started.

I don't know what is wrong with me these days. These past 2 days to be exact. Nothing has clicked. Nothing has been an extraordinary amount of fun, or even memorable. Nothing has made me want to wake up or go to sleep. I'm just in this constant straight line that doesn't shift up or down. The line itself is pretty low to begin with. I think I can trace it back to a big ol' fucking mistake I made last April 11th. It has limited my room for any kind of growth in EVERY aspect of my life. I got myself one of them there DUI's that are all the rage. Let me tell you, it's not so awesome. It's the exact opposite. I would, however, wish it on my worst enemy.

Let's count the ways right now, that this stupid fucking mistake has put a damper on my fun, and made it virtually impossible for me to succeed at anything... or as I like to call it.. a whole bunch of negative thoughts.

Work. Not being able to drive has made progressing through the company I work for all but completely impossible. We are a company who works in peoples houses. However, these people don't really live in any kind of predetermined SEPTA bus pattern. There was a position that opened up for a Project Manager at our 309 store. This is something that, as a company, we are building ourselves on. I've had this job before, and performed it to a pretty high level of success. It's something that was a challenge, that at first I didn't think I'd be able to do. I remember talking to my family on several occasions and really panicking about how I wasn't going to be able to do it. But, I did. I learned the ins and outs, and taught myself how to do it. This changed the way the position was laid out, and made me look pretty good in the process. I couldn't be considered for this job... why? Good question class, allow me to answer. The job requires travel... and once again, more travel than is possible with my predicament. Not. Possible. This makes my growth opportunity limited to one of three locations, with no possibility of traveling from one place to another. Off the company insurance, no car to illegally drive, the list goes on and on.

Personal and professional advancement. How can I do this? Personal advancement isn't limited to the places I can drive, but the amount of money I can ultimately make and the things I can do with that money are certainly affected. In a perfect world, you start a job and work your way up to the highest position you can aspire to have. I've hit that wall, or so I feel. I'm asked to develop more effective, and better ways of doing what I do. This will get my 5% back which was taken from me in January. There isn't any way within the existing infrastructure of our company that I can make this change. My job boils down two 3 pretty simple, yet meaningful tasks. 1.) Call Joe Asshole customer. 2.) Fill a schedule and ensure that everyone who works in our department has something to do every day. 3.) Pull product so when the technician goes to his job, he can install the gear. 4.) Repeat until hair is grey, emotions are numb, and job becomes somewhat dull and thankless. I don't want this to come off as me being unhappy with what I do, or where I work. I've said several times throughout this process of bloggage that the job I have and the people I work with are pretty amazing things. I'm incredibly fortunate that with the Dee You Eye I still have a job. A less forgiving person would have searched out a reason to not have me as part of the team anymore, and cut bait when they could. There's yet another person (people?) I can thank for the helping hand when times were tough... I just need to feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day, and know that there is growth potential and that I'm not stuck at a job, I'm working in my career. Scary stuff when I think about it too much. It's very much a family, and it's a family I am very thankful that I have.... even though most of them are giant dongs who would stab me in the back at a moments notice. The good folks make the job totally awesome. On to some more fun reasons...

Social Life. I would trade nothing in this world for the friends I have and the friends I've made. All of them have been incredibly supportive of my stupid ass since this disaster happened. I've been limited as to where I can go and who I can visit. People take me places, and pick me up from places, give me rides home and have been the best group of people I can imagine. I look forward to being able to repay each and every one of them for every minute of their kindness. I don't know how to go about this, and I wish I did because I would've started on 4/12/08... which is the day of the first helping hand who reached out to me. Maybe it's something I already do without consciously processing it... I don't know. But mark my words, I will make it up to each and every person... somehow.


Living situation. I'm limited to live somewhere next to a bus stop. I need to get from point A to point B 10 times weekly, and I'm incredibly lucky to have that at my disposal. If I lived 2 miles either way I'd be working somewhere else, making less money, having less of a chance to shine, and hating every minute of it. Looking at the locale I live in and the employment options that are available I'd sooner whore myself out to 70 year old men at the corner bar. Really...? Drug store clerk. Nope. Shoe salesman. Nope. Gym trainer... ha! There isn't a big market for a guy with pretty OK social skills, limited post secondary education and no driving ability. But there probably is a pretty big calling for a 20-something manwhore down at the corner bar. Wouldn't Dad be proud!? It's quite a shame. Back to the work thing... if I had me a car (and a license... so far so good!) I could drive for work, advance to a position that would require some driving, and make more money. More money would mean not being confined to the living situation I'm in right now, and I could (gasp) start giving money to whoever helps finance my house and not some dirtbag landlord who looks inside the house he owns and see a collection of walking dollar signs. He's making money off of us, and I can't stand that. I get zero return on my investment. ZERO.


Ok... here's the part where you come in. If you read this. I've shared this little guy with a very few people... but I need something to talk about. I need something that isn't miserable thoughts about how crappy I've become, how much I've screwed myself with my brainless decisions, and how much I want everything in the world but don't know how to get it. There's a little button down there... i think it says "Comments". Click that little guy. Give me something to ramble on about. I'd love to take the time, but I'm really all out of things to say... for instance... "I went out and played pool last night, then I ate a sandwich". How many days can I really talk about that and have it be fun to read? How can I expand on that? So... get started. I'm going to go shower and wish it was another day, in another house, with the same music collection, the same cat, the same friends, and a better outlook. Go!

First topic wins. But remember, my mom reads this. Nothing about the Thai Hooker incident of '99, or that time we snorted so much heroin we woke up in the freight train on the way to Richmond. Those are jokes, mom. She was a Thai Slut. Not a hooker. Didn't cost me a dime. I hope you see the humor in that... in response to your email... I've done my laundry, I still wear kids shoes, and My Orphan Year is a really good tune.. it's just kind of sad and reminds me of mortality. Nothing I can identify with so much... nothing I ever hope to.

I'm going to shower and then I'm off to sleep. This fresh air coming through my window is really saving my day, but I don't want to remember today anymore. It's been a real drag. I'm gonna put on my sugary fake face tomorrow, and the goal is to have no one ask "what's wrong". First person who does, is getting punched in the goddamn ear.

Brutal honesty.

Today.

My heart is anywhere but here.

And then... there were 3.

I can't do anything but type this right now. The servers are down at work, and I got into this window just in time to fill it up with nonsense. Let's see. We'll start with what I did yesterday, and then move into some actual discussion of sorts.

I worked yesterday. From 7:45a - 5:00p. I stopped on the way home and had a beer with Zeke because I wanted to talk to him about some things going on at work. He abruptly left me at the bar after beer #1 so I was facing some options. Option #1: Sit at the bar for 55 minutes and then take the bus home. Option #2. Walk home in the rain. I went for Option #2. It was fine by me. It was drizzling and not very cold, so I was fine with the walk. Today? I'm going straight home and cleaning my room. I think I need to cancel my plans with Brandon tomorrow so I can get the basement cleaned up because I don't want my landlords goofy demands cutting into my weekend. F him. I watched the Phillies play last night, and ate some leftover food from Monday. Not the most eventful night ever... but boy did I ever sleep well. From 10p - 6:30a. My body is not used to that, but it certainly welcomed it. I got some big news. Brace yourselves. Bloggers.

So... Missy is moving out of our house. Great, you might think. Awesome, you might say. Rad, it might be. Expensive, it might get. Move, we might. Find another roommate, we could. Live with a stranger who needs a room, we won't. Blah blah blah, we blah.

Not sure how the old gang over at 229 Noble Street is gonna get out of this jam, but certainly we will find a way, and move forward with our lives. Either rent gets more expensive, Mike Nez moves in, we go our separate ways, or we move to another house. These are our options. I don't know which one we will be exercising as of right now. I think it's time to have a Real World moment and call a "House meeting, ya'll". Hopefully Puck shows up. That dude was always covered in tattoos, cool wounds and scars, and he didn't take any shit from anyone.

Chad sent an email to us yesterday saying Missy had given her 2 months notice. I find this to be amazing because instead of being the bigger person and sitting down with the people she's lived with for the past 3 years, she was perfectly fine to make this known through a 3rd party. It's a pretty chickenshit way to deal with your "friends" but it certainly reflects on how much that friendship meant, and how long we're really going to speak, much less be cordial in the future. Chad also suggested in his email that he could find someone to live with us. Really? Our landlord could "place" us with a roommate? That seems like a surefire way to wind up dead in a bag in the basement, or shirtless fighting a 40 year old pervert in the front yard. I'd rather dip into the well of creeps and perverts I already know and take my chances that way.

I can't say I'll be heart broken to move out of this dump. I hate the landlord, the neighborhood has too many kids, and not enough quiet, and I think we can find something cheaper in the same locale. I need to find somewhere that will accept pets, because I'm not leaving Jim behind anywhere. I'll live in someones garage, or in a box in the rain before I give up the cat. When we got him we signed up for the long haul, and he's my best friend and not going anywhere. This is a big concern of mine right now. I care more about where he is going to live than where I am going to live. I wish it was affordable to live on my own. I wish I made enough money to get my own small house and live by myself. I don't. I won't be. That 5% is looking mighty important right now... wonder if I can ever plan on getting that back... hmph.

Let's shift the topic for a bit and move onto some thought provoking conversation. What scares me? I'm not going to do this in list form because I have a feeling it makes for better rambling words than it does a shitty list with no explanation. I'm scared of bees. I just came to this realization this year. I used to be a little timid around them because I'm sure that one of those little bastards is going to sting me. I haven't been savagely attacked by a bee in almost 10 years, but I remember it being a shitty time. I don't want to have that happen again.

I'm scared of ignorance. I'm scared that I share the world with a bunch of people who are afraid to share the world with a bunch of people. How's that for some amazing hypocrisy? I'm scared of people who aren't tolerant of other peoples differences and other peoples opinions. I'm scared to think that what I think, or what you think, might threaten me, or you.

I'm scared of the mall. There isn't a bigger collection of thoughtless drones on the planet. Awesome. Let's put them all in one building and then not nuke and pave the whole thing? Let's let them shop! They can all aspire to be the same thing with no free thought of their own. See above.

I'm scared that if I ever (gasp) have children they're going to grow up in this world of constant threats, increasing ignorance, more bees, and that they might never see trees, grass, or an unsafe swing set. My grandparents never had a cell phone, and my grandchildren would never have to face entertaining themselves without the aid of technology. We're quickly turning ourselves into a huge group of people who are afraid "to be alone with their own thoughts". I'm no better. I've got headphones in my big ol' goofy ears, or music coming out of a speaker somewhere for the better part of my days. Is this because I'm scared to be alone with myself, or because I like to have a soundtrack to what it is I do on a daily basis? I choose the latter, but who knows.

I'm scared about how safe everything has, and is becoming. When I was a kid there was no thought of having disinfectant wipes at the "cart area" of the grocery store. There were germs, no one cared, nothing has changed... there are still germs. Why the huge concern now? When I was a kid I played on metal playgrounds, with rusty chains for the swings. Kids now have everything coated in plastic or rubber and safety is key. I had transformers made out of die-cast metal, so if I friend gets out of line you can chuck Bumblebee at him and produce results. Not anymore. Things have just become too safe, and we protect our kids from things that we were never protected from, and never need to be protected from.

Growing up is impossible anymore. There isn't any growing up being done as you look around... it seems we're all just growing old.

Here we go again... something something something just when I thought that this would end.

I've had a 4 day weekend. It was pretty perfect. Let's run down my list of awesome things I've done since the last post in this mess...

Friday. Woke up late. I missed Chuck's lunch and continued to kick myself in the ass for the rest of the weekend, and on through this week, no doubt. Speaking of this week... not looking forward to it. I'm totally ready for it to end and it's only 2.5 hours old. I wish sometimes I could find something to make this daily grind passable. It's just not as fun as it used to be. It's rarely even fun anymore. But... it's what I know, and what I care about so I'll just put my nose down and do what it is I'm supposed to do, and I'll do it the best I can. WOW! I got really sidetracked on what I did on Friday... back to the topic at hand. I laid around the house for a while and cleaned the kitchen and living room. Both of which are a complete fucking disaster again already... I left with Brian around 4:30pm and headed to a bar in Lansdale to meet some folks from work and celebrate Drew's 45th birthday. Fun was had. I kind of forgot some of the both major and minor details from that evening... I'm bad with that. I do remember getting the 2nd best hug of the year. Why do I know this? Because I remember the #1 hug, and the number #3 hug. It wasn't the best, but it was better than than 3rd place. I wish I could relive the top 50 hugs of my life. That would be kind of amazing. I'm way off track again... so after bar #1 there was a trip (somewhat ill-fated) to bar #2. I don't have a very strong recollection of this. Don't be mad at me Mom. After that, Maria, Jared, Emily and I came back to my house and made grilled cheese sandwiches. They were really good. They always are. I fell asleep on the couch, somewhat urgently, and woke up around 4:30a and called it a night.

Saturday! I woke up around 9:30a, then back to sleep, woke up at 10:30a, then back to sleep, woke up at 11a and decided I needed to be vertical to make sure I didn't spend my whole day sleeping on the couch. Jaime and I went and shot 8 games of 8 ball. She won once, because I scratched... I'm still mad about that. I pissed away the afternoon doing nothing... and I mean nothing. Nick, Steve and Katie came over at night and we went to the bar so Nick could have a Yuengling, which isn't readily available in Seattle (sounds more like hell to me). They took off around 1:30a or so, and I fell asleep all nice and comfortable.

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! You'll pay for the whole seat, but you'll only need the EEEEDDDDDGE. Boo. Same recycled joke, and still not mine. The definition of humor is to find something funny and then beat it into the ground until you're so close to losing friends and family that you stop... only to dig the same joke up later, breathe life into it, and finally alienate someone close to you. Look it up. It's in the dictionary.. you big dummy. I milled around for a while on Sunday and then got ready for the Drew-B-Q. Getting ready entailed showering, and changing shirts. It was a complete success, it's amazing what years of practice can do. Zeke, Dawn, and Tommy came to my house to pick me up and we headed over to Drew's house. We were about the first people to arrive and were instantly pointed to a bar inside, and a keg outside. I went to work... I stayed relatively aware and remember everything about the evening. Around 12am some girl and I left the party, and came back to my house where grilled cheese sandwiches were eaten, once again, and the Money Pit was on the TV... 4:15a came and went and I fell asleep for the night. If there is ever a time machine invented, I'll be damned if a grilled cheese isn't a major "ingredient" in the invention. Those things make time pass like... um.. something that passes by all too fast. A bullet? A train? A bus when we're 30 seconds late? Gas? Anyway... something fast.

Monday, I'm not in love. That song is terrible. Anyhow. Bucket woke me up at 11:30a with a little game called "Eat The Cookie". I ate the cookie. We went upstairs and woke Brian up and headed to the Asian Grocery store and bought a whole bunch of BBQables. Mike Nez came over and we all ate a bunch of food. The list of things we ate is as follows: BBQ Chinese Ribs (So good), Bacon wrapped corn on the cob (so good), bacon wrapped jalapenos stuffed with cream cheese (so hot!, so good), thin sliced flank steak (so good). I ate a bunch of food yesterday and have had somewhat criminal bowel movements thus far today... hopefully that's done, but I kind of doubt it. I stayed up and watched Cops for hours yesterday, into last night. Here are the things I've learned from watching Cops.

1.) If you drink Wild Irish Rose, you're screwed
2.) If you're white and shirtless, you're screwed
3.) If you "didn't do anything, man" you're screwed
4.) If you're wearing a shirt advertising a Disney movie, you're screwed
5.) If you walk past 2 cops holding a can of beer, you're a goddamn idiot, and screwed

It was informative to say the least. So as long as I keep my shirt on, enjoy live action films, and stay away from cheap whiskey and designer drugs, I'm gonna be OK. If I'm guilty, I'm just going to come out and say "I did it! I'm sorry!"

I woke up this morning, my bus was early, I was on time, I was late and I'm in a horrible goddamn mood. See above. I'll bet my eyes that the bus driver had a grilled cheese sandwich

I need to change the pace of this blog a little bit. It's turning into a "recap what i did over the past few days and nights" and less of a "find an interesting topic and talk about it". I wish I had topics. I need something to think about for a while and then write about... I guess if i could come up with that stuff on my own I wouldn't be pouring all these words onto this monitor and I'd be out having stimulating conversations with the millions of worms, pukes, maggots and scumbags of this world. But, I don't, I'm not, and I am. Hm.

More music, more boxes, more assholes to talk to. You call it miserable? I call it Tuesday. Enjoy yourselves. Start today. There's no better time.

I'm dead serious.

If I lose everything in the fire...

Why hello, makeshift Friday! I sure hope everything has met or exceeded your expectations for this short week. Myself? Oh, thanks for asking. I've had better weeks, but in comparison I've got no reasons to complain. It's been beautiful out as far as the weather goes, I've been eating well, sleeping well, and generally having some pretty comfortable days.

Let's see if I can recap what's been happening with this guy since Sunday night. I'm sure there's zany stories, comedic mishaps, and more plot twists and suspense than you can shake a stick at. Actually... I think this has been a really boring week, and I'm kind of stoked for some weekend excitement.

Monday. Work. No fun. I went out Monday night to watch Off With Their Heads play in Fishtown. It was a good night. I headed to the bar with Drew late Friday afternoon and had a couple of beers and a couple of whiskey shots then I hopped on the bus and headed home. I took a pint of whiskey with me to the show and made a few drinks with my good buddy THE FLASK. I watched the first band, which wasn't terrible, it was a bit screamy for my taste, but I'd go see them again without much hesitation. The second band? You might be able to help me out with those details. I headed up to the bar at the corner of Frankfort and... something. I got trapped in a conversation with a 43 year old woman named Kimberly. Kimberly most certainly asked me if I was coming back to the bar after OWTH. I promptly finished the remainder of my beer and left. I wasn't too comfortable.

Tuesday! Late for work! No fun. I left work around 4pm and went and shot pool with Brandon for a couple of hours. I came home and ate everything I possibly could. I had a steak with mashed potatoes and sauteed mushrooms, and later in the night enjoyed a chicken breast stuffed with provolone and ham. I went to bed in somewhat of a food coma, and slept like a champion for the remainder of the evening.

Wednesday! Yesterday! Work! No fun. I came in around 6:45am and abruptly realized that I was under the gun to get things wrapped up so Mike could have a laid back day on Friday (my day off). I worked until 5pm last night and went home and did nothing. I hung out with Mike for a while and watched the Cubbies lose to the goddamn Cardinals 2-1. The Cubs always make it interesting at the end of the game and last night was no exception. They ended the game on a Reed Johnson strikeout with runners on the corners. So close.

Thursday! Now! Work! No fun. I've got little to no desk work to do today, and I couldn't be more stoked about that. I'm going to listen to music, and pull product for the duration of my day. I'll probably stay late so I can get caught up on everything that needs some polishing prior to me leaving and giving my job up to Mike for a Friday. I want him to have a nice relaxing stress free day, but knowing Mike, that's not really possible. Hopefully he can get a bunch of stuff taken care of, and not really have to worry about what it is that I do. We'll see.

Maybe I'll update tomorrow. I've been slacking lately and I need to get better about logging thoughts in this here blog. Tomorrow, I'm waking up late, going on a walk, taking Chuck out to lunch for his last day at WWS, and then maybe headed out to happy hour. Of course, depending on how things go in one facet or another it might just be "hour", it could be running low on "happy". Or, i might just go home after lunch and do nothing... it's all variant on the plans of my friends. Drew is having some birthday shenanigans tomorrow and I'd like to see him have a good time... he needs that.

Sunday is Drew's "Old School Cookout". I'm going with the flat top and Adidas sneakers... perhaps a fun hat, or my Color Me Badd shirt. I really wish I owned all this shit and could pull it off... but I think even if I tried, I could wind up buried in a shallow grave in Telford, PA. Not my resting place of choice... I'd prefer under 2nd base at Wrigley Field, or being stuffed and mounted on the wall at the Indian. Neither one of those is really an option... actually... the latter is probably more then achievable.

This is what happens when I don't post as often... I can't shut up. BLAAAAAAAAHG!

Mr. Bojangles. That's the goddamn song!

I think it's been a while since put down any collection of uncollected thoughts. Awesome. I like what I just did there.

Thursday night we played pool. I don't really want to think or talk about it. We could've done better, but we didn't make it past the first round of the playoffs. I won my game, which made me happy... at least the night wasn't a total loss. I celebrated with 4 beers. I hadn't eaten dinner that night so the 4 beers made me chatty, and think I was being witty. There was really kickass lightning on Thursday night which wasn't going in it's traditional north-south path, but more east-west. It was pretty hypnotizing.

Friday morning came pretty early, and I went into work. I ate a whole bunch of food early in the morning and felt like i was hit by a tranquilizer dart. I had a whole mess of work to do, so being unproductive wasn't an option. I know I already have a lot to look forward to tomorrow morning, and need to plan my day out accordingly. I don't mind working until 5pm, because right after work I'm headed to see Off With Their Heads play at the Barbary. I can't wait. They're so good both live and on record. Tuesday morning might be a little bit rocky, but it all depends if they have the bar open. We'll see.

Oh. Saturday morning I woke up and went to the farm/produce place in Silverdale and bought a green pepper, some asparagus, and some fresh garlic. I went to the grocery store after that and bought 3 Chicken Breasts, 2 Steaks, 2 Sticks of butter, 1/4 lb provolone cheese, 1/4 lb prosciutto, ingredients for mashed potatoes, and peanut butter cookies, red peppers, sliced mushrooms, and some pasta. I came home and left for the Indian to meet Jeff, we had a drink or 2, played some 8-ball, and he left. I left shortly afterwards and came home. I fell asleep on the couch. Some jerk came over and we watched it rain, smoked cigarettes, and watched Short Circuit. I saw approx. 25 minutes of Short Circuit and have classified it in my "movies that didn't hold up well" list. There is NO WAY IN HELL that robot cost the $10+ million dollars that is stated early on in the movie. Bullshit.

Today. I've watched a bunch of Green Day concert videos. Their new record is really good. Buy it. Jim wouldn't have a name without Green Day. He'd just be some nameless savage beast who solely exists to plot my death. I ate grilled veggies and chicken breast stuffed with provolone and prosciutto and marinated in lime juice and soy sauce. I'm kind of in a food coma. I'll just sit here and watch TV in the dark, occasionally petting the cat, and slipping in and out of sleep for the next bunch of hours. I'm thinking about 7 of them. Good luck to me!

Where are my friends tonight...

Today has started off with utter fucking chaos. Not much I can openly discuss right now, but something I'm sure to reference sometime in the future. My mind is really blown right now, and I'll be interested to see what the outcome of this situation is, because it will certainly raise some questions on something I've held a deep interest in for the past ~10 years. I need some popcorn, a big soda, and for the lights to dim ever so slightly.

I felt like shit yesterday. I don't feel all that super today either. But I'm going to forge on and make the best of this crappy day. My head isn't pounding any more, my eyes are finished watering, I've got some slightly suspect stool, and my nose isn't AS drippy as it was yesterday. I'm here, at work, stuck right in the middle between miserable and amazed.

So tonight is the first game, hopefully not the last, of 9-ball. I'm pretty excited. I'm sure I'll wear myself thin today and feel like crap tomorrow. Oh well. My goal is to be well and good by Friday, but if it means feeling OK tonight, and a little crappy tomorrow I'll gladly make the sacrifice.

I was pretty excited about watching the last game of the Pittsburgh/Washington series last night... it wasn't fun at all. I would have been better of sleeping, or performing some kind of "at home" transgender surgery. The game was terrible. The Penguins won 6-2, and embarrassed Washington on their home ice. I would have been so upset had that been Philadelphia. Oh well... interesting playoffs are almost over as I know it, and then baseball will be in full swing. Ha. Ha. Pun. Ha. Ha.

I'm going to go do things now, and wait for some indication of how I should feel for the rest of the day. I'm thinking someone might make the right call, and if not there is going to be a wave of complete disgust completely drowning me.

I have to crap. Now.

I don't feel very good.

It stated Monday morning with a scratchy throat. Then it moves into some drippy nose action. Now we're at full blown headache, drippy one nostril, clogged up other nostril, and I'm generally feeling rundown and unhappy. If this is the worst thing that happens to me today I still feel like I'll be slightly ahead of the game.

This doesn't feel swine related, but I can't be over confident about that. I think I attempted to make a "1950's TV Pig" joke a few entries back, and looking back on it I didn't name the proper pig from Green Acres. I got confused and named Mr. Ed's "owner", Wilbur. Arnold was the pig from Green Acres. My most sincere apology for the mix-up. I'll do better next time.

I played 9-ball with Brandon last night until it wasn't fun anymore. We played 2 full games, and about 15 other racks. I played well. I was happy about that. Then i came home, piddled around on the Internet, ate some pizza, and fell asleep... early.

I don't have much to say this morning. My head is pounding, and although I'm not hungover, I'm going to visit the hangover cabinet this morning and take a whole bunch of stuff and see if anything makes me feel better. I have a horrible feeling someone is going to ask me to go home, and I really don't want that to happen. Last time I was sick Bob made me go back home 2 days in a row. I was not happy. I guess it isn't fair to the people I work with to bring some shitty cold/flu into the office...

I have a huge problem with taking the 11.62 hours that show up on my paycheck and using them to lay in bed and be miserable rather than doing something fun... and it's supposed to be really nice outside today... crap.

You bet we've got something personal against you.

It's been a while, blog. I've been "busy" doing a bunch of "stuff" that takes priority over this collection of mish-mashed words and occasional pointless profanity. Not true. I've been having fun though! Everybody likes fun. If you don't like fun, I don't like you. If you don't like fun, you'll probably be alone and die alone, having no fun all along the way.

Here's the recap. It breaks down kind of like this...

Friday! I went to Panico's with Drew, Emily, and Maria. We drank beers. I had some whiskey shots. We left around 10:30pm, made a grilled cheese sandwich or two, and I fell asleep. I'm the life of no party. I'm a big fan of working, relaxing, and then falling asleep with my mouth open. It's just like clockwork on a daily basis. Let's move into the next day, as Friday was pretty uneventful, but pretty nice.

Saturday! I left my debit card at Panico's the night before, which has become some kind of ritual now. I'm really good at forgetting things. I took the bus to Lansdale to get my card, with the intention of going to Exton after that to head to a party with Pat, Kristin, and Kyle. I failed. The train was leaving at kind of a goofy time, and I was going to have to switch up in the city and get to Exton after the party had started. Pat probably wouldn't have cared, but I didn't want to make them late. In retrospect, I should have just made them late. I sat at Panico's and had from lunch, and a few Gin and Cranberry drinks. I got a bit out of line. I didn't mean to do that, but the gin caught up with me quick. I walked from the bar to the bus stop and took the bus home to meet Mike. We left for the party. I got to see Kyle for the first time, and hang out with him for a few minutes and do some baby related stuff. It was pretty cool. Although some of the events of the night are a little bit hazy, I'm pretty sure I almost got run over in their driveway. Oops.

Sunday! I hung out with a guy from work for a few hours and we went to a meeting about the playoff situation for our pool league. We're in! We took 4th place in our league, and our playoff game is scheduled for Thursday night, at our home bar, against a team we just beat. I'm pretty excited... we're going to play well and hopefully walk through this team. Bill and I practiced 9 ball for a bit at night, and I called it an early Sunday. The Family Guy was awesome.

Monday! Work. Pool. Sleep. I couldn't have been more of a giant bore last night. I woke up yesterday not feeling so good, and probably said about 10 words the whole time we were playing. I don't know why I shut down like that sometimes, but I do, and I sort of always have. There's no specific incident that makes it happen, and it all seems to just be at random. I should learn to counteract that with a bunch of energy and force myself to be smiley and happy... I don't get it.

Today. Word. Ugh.

I'm going to listen to the Ergs! and call a bunch of customers. Color me excited. Have fun, that's what fun is there for... jerks.

How many times can a little kid...

We played pool last night. We won. We went into the game in 4th place (out of 10 teams) and were 6 points ahead of the 5th palce team (who we played, and beat!) and 8 points away from the 6th place team. There is a meeting to discuss the playoff situation on Sunday, and I think I might head over with Tom/Bill to check it out.

It was a pretty low night, I don't have much to talk about right now.

I've had a lot of thoughts about mortaility lately, and those thoughts were ressurected yesterday. Death is a strange and terrfying thing.

I don't have much else to say this morning.

I'd like to put you on, I'd like to wear you out.

This is the best time of the year for a dude who wants to waste a Wednesday night watching sports and eating food. Hockey playoffs, basketball playoffs, and the beginning of baseball season. I did NOTHING last night. I had these huge plans of getting my room to smell less like my feet and broken dreams, and getting some laundry taken care of. WRONG. Instead I ate all kinds of food and sat on the couch for 5 hours... only breifly interrupted by needing to pee, or refill my glass of water. It was a nice night. I wish I was awake for the thunderstorm last night that I heard from several people we had, but nothing wakes me up. I think I'd take the trade off in this instance though... rain is nice.

Tonight! It's the last 9-ball game of the season, i think? I kind of don't know. I've never seen an official schedule, or even been told how many weeks this thing lasts. I'm only guessing with my projection that this is the last game. I kind of hope it's not. I enjoy Thursdays... especially now that I can remember them, and not feel like a turd covered with hair and dirt on Friday mornings. It's like a whole new ballgame now.

2 days until the baby shower. I'm looking forward to it. I need to head out on Saturday morning and buy the expecting couple something baseball related. Maybe i should just buy some washcloths and a bib and be done with it. Stuff they can actually use. Who knows... I'll figure something out.

I sure am excited to see Geoff tonight. Word.

I'm so sick of wanting it all.

But I'll keep on trying...

I played pool for what seemed like hours yesterday. I guess it really was hours. 4 of them. We're getting the 9-ball team in fighting shape for the big Vegas tournament we're not going to be going to. If our team, but some wild stretch of anyones imagination should ever make it to Vegas to play pool, I can promise you that we won't have enough people to play the game once it's time to play. I can only imagine we'd all go off on our separate ways, and probably need to gamble for bail money. I won't be anywhere near coherent enough, or even findable enough to play a game of pool. I will be in some creepy casino, not gambling, free drink hunting, and with any luck I will make it back to the hotel, and then to Pennsylvania. But, this isn't even a dream... it's never going to happen. We sure are charismatic. Personality goes a long way...

The pregnant lady at work isn't pregnant anymore. She had her winged baby, and I couldn't be more happy. It came out healthy from what anyone knows, and that is what is important. Regardless of my feelings on that goofy bitch, I'm glad the family is OK. But golly, man... she's one goofy bitch.

BASEketball didn't hold up as well as I would hope. I watched it last night, and while some scenes still really make my laugh, the majority of the movie has aged like Rue McClanahan. Poorly, I'm assuming. I haven't seen ol' Rue since the Blanch days, and I'm not sure I really need to in order to figure out that she's not lookin' so righteous... Damn. Kind of makes me wonder how the other movie I hold dear to my heart have aged. I need to bust out some classics at some point and figure out if these things I'm holding on to are nothing more than perfect moment, perfect company kind of movies, or if they are actually good.

This is the most judgmental entry to date. I don't think I've had a single positive thing to say about anyone yet... thinking about it, I don't know that I really have anything positive to say about anything this morning. Hmm...

I'm gonna drink this coffee now, and move forward with my day. Break is over, slacker. Time to get back at it.

This road bubbles in the heat...

I woke up with a snout! It's happening! My goal has been realized, and I think it's also been achieved. I win. Take that! I've got a slight tickle in my throat, a runny nose, I spent the better half of my morning rolling around an playing in my own poop. Yes folks... it's on. Strap yourselves in, come on over, hang out with me. I'll breathe on you, we can share straws, drink gallons of each others spit, maybe I pee on you, I'll make vegetable soup and stir the pot with my hand, and if it helps, we'll bleed on each other. If there is one thing I've learned from my time on this wonderful planet full of all of you wonderful people... it's the ability to share. I don't think I've ever been an (incredibly) selfish person... I just want to get some pig on my friends. That's all. Seems like the nice thing to do.

Funny. I made me a little post a few days ago about how I thought all of my friends would turn into dongs after they got married and had kids. Turns out, from an email I received from a concerned friend, that maybe it's be who has turned into a dong. I guess I've kind of socially "shut down" a little bit since I got my incredibly uplifting, spirit raising, test of will power, ray of sunshine beaming out of my ass DUI. I've been kind of limited to hanging out in places I can get to by public transportation, or with the assistance of my friends... who have been very supportive even though I kind of disastered myself. Places like Exton and Collegeville aren't really in a good place for me to get to without a bus ride followed by a long walk, or a bike ride. I don't feel comfortable inviting my friends (with kids) over to our house because if I had a kid, I don't think I'd want him/her eating dirt off of our floor, playing with the knives in our coffee table, or eating cat toys off the floor. Our house is not conducive to children. Perhaps I bite the bullet and just invite some people over... get my big toe in there... test the waters. Maybe I do some kind of big ol' raging beer party where things are BBQ'd, friends hang out, and people have some fun. Every time I do one of these damn things it turns out to be 4 people sitting inside (because it's raining outside... just my luck!) staring at each other.... everyone with things to say but no one willing to cast the first verbal stone. Maybe I'm a big fan of other awkward people, or maybe I bring out the awkward in people. I don't know. I'm sure if i think about it enough I can come up with some reason why this is all my fault... gee, how unlike me.

I ate something last night that I knew I shouldn't have eaten. Hamburger Helper. I had the hamburger, and I had the "mix". Right after putting the "mix" into the cooked beef, Jaime points out that the expiration date on the "mix" is October of last year. I should have dropped back 10 yards and punted right there, but I forged on like the warrior (read: stubborn goon) I am. Needless to say I was a crap machine for about an hour before I finally went to bed. Damnit! I knew it was stupid going into it, and I should have drawn the line. I didn't. I paid the piper. I'd say "live and learn", but I think I'd only get halfway there. Learning probably didn't happen...

Well, I've written enough for right now. I want to share this with people, and I have shared it with 3 people. Hi Mom! Hope all is well, and I hope you get some rain! I'm tired of it up here... we're on 3 or 4 straight days, and it's making your son's "less than adult" footwear smell awful. I wish i could bottle it all and send it to you! Call your son at some point and tell him to buy more adult footwear, and ask him if he's keeping up on his laundry... he needs that. Hi Pat! I'm stoked to see you, your beautiful wife and your poop/vomit machine awesome baby on Saturday, "We'll knock back a few, and talk about life...". I'm thinking once we tie a few on, I'll borrow your family car and take your son up to the watering hole and he can get his first Appletini with Uncle Noah... first of many. Hi Jaime! Thanks for beating me at 9-ball last night, it was quite the humbling experience. In return, I have hidden one turd in your bedroom (it's a people turd), you get a prize if you can find it... the prize? Swine Flu.

Later, worms.

This room feels like it's going to explode.

The sound the seat on the bus was making this morning made me so on edge. So anxious. My blood pressure was climbing rapidly with every squeak, and every sound the seat made. I'm getting up in arms just thinking about it. If I would have known I was going to be in that seat, for any period of time, I think I would have called in sick today. I should have done that anyway... there is a guy here who can cover for me, and that won't happen again until May 22. My next day off, my first day off this year which is for me, and me alone. No court until 6/8.

I don't miss work on Mondays. Ever. If I weren't here, I'd be resting my perfectly shaped little head (right mom?) on my pillow and not even dreaming about this place for hours. At least until 10am. 10am is a good time to get your day started. I'd be totally into working from 10a - 7p every day... but that's not going to happen, so I'm going to let go of that dream.

Last night... what did I do? I made ribs, mashed potatoes, and cookies. Awesome combination. The ribs were the best I've ever made. Mustard, horseradish, Worcestershire sauce, and BBQ sauce. A little bit of garlic hot sauce as well. They were really good... I've got a Amazon River like stream of drool running down my face and into my shirt pocket just thinking about it. Hmm... after eating said ribs, I fell into somewhat of a pork coma. I woke up, Mike was gone, Jaime was home, and I had little to no idea where I was, or where all that sweat came from. Meat sweats. It's a scientific possibility. I was gross. It was awesome.

Tonight. Big plans. I'm going to make a list below. I'm usually not so good at working a 10 hour day and having any kind of motivation to do more work when I get home, but my room smells like my feet, and as of right now I am wearing my last clean work clothes. Clean is merely a comparative word in this case. I definitely wore these clothes sometime last week, but looking at my available stock of some of my clothes, they were absolutely the cleanest I could find. I think my pork coma led to the death of motivation. Oh well, I'll get back on it today. Here's my list of what needs to happen today:

1. Clean My Room
2. Clean My Clothes
3. Clean My Me

Hopefully I will take a look at this short list of shit to do when I get home and I'll complete at least 2 of these tasks. Hopefully... hope... fully.

All right, I'm all pissed off and ready to forge a sword from the Earth and slay Monday. Have a fun day Internet... and remember, the Swine Flu has invaded Pennsylvania... I'm not far away from living the dream. I think my goal, if in fact I can manage to contract the Swine Flu will be to make ribs out of myself. Brian will need to remove me from the oven after all the fat cooks out, but I think I can survive long enough to have a taste. I bet I'll be delicious.

Can't think of anything I'd rather do...

The baseball game was really fun yesterday. It went back and forth for the first 8 innings and then ended up in a tie. Going into the bottom of the 10th the Phillies had their 2, 3 and 4 hitters up. After what I believe to be 1 single, and 2 walks the bases were loaded. The winning run was walked home, and the Phillies win. The seats were really great. I meant to take a picture, but between thoughts bouncing off the walls of my skull, drunks who couldn't get enough of wanting to fight each other, and being captivated by the sights and smells of the game of baseball, I couldn't remember to take a picture. Oh well... those seats might be tossed into my lap again... I can take a picture then.

I've realized over the past couple of weeks that drunk people are especially irritating when you're not one of them. Even friends sometimes dance on my last nerve when they're shitty. It's really like watching someone transform into a stumbling, incoherent monster. Guys get all grabby with girls, feel the need to have a conversation about 16 inches from your face, say the stupid, laugh at the unfunny, and generally provide me with a feeling of disgust. Perfect case and point was yesterday at the ballgame. Some drunken dickhead throws a bottle at someone he doesn't know... repeatedly. When he's finally confronted he gets all butt-hurt that someone could accuse him of something of that sort. Pushing, shoving, F You's, F Him's all get started and next think you know it's s a drunken dick contest. Security comes down, young kids threaten an older gentleman... all over a couple of beers and the instant desire to be a total jackass. I can totally deal without any kind of drama in my life that I don't create, and don't understand someones need to create their own hostile situation... but, maybe that's part of drinking and sports that I gladly don't understand.

Justin and Cole are probably one of the cutest couples ever. I always had this thought (I'm not sure why) that when my friends would go off, get married, and make a baby that I was all of a sudden going to be faced with the task of watching my friends change into different people. In the case of 4 friends, i couldn't have been more wrong. They're the same damn fun loving bunch of dorks they were when I met them 10+ years ago. I'm very excited to see Pat, Kristen and Kyle on Saturday... I haven't seen them in what feels like ages... it's probably been ages.

Mike and I shared a couple of things yesterday that kind of got my brain in a knot. We both hate losing. At anything. Ever. Mike won't even play the game (read: compete) if he thinks he's going to lose. We are both also in positions where we don't show a huge level of excitement. People always think we're miserable as a result. So... by that line of thought... when we are miserable, or upset about something, no one would know to ask. Pretty strange. I don't know that in the ~30 years I've been milling around that I've ever been easily excitable. I think it alienates people sometimes... but the people I've let in to my life know the difference in the way I carry myself when something is wrong... everyone else thinks I'm just a pretty bland, dull guy... sometimes they're not wrong.

On the way home last night Mike and I got the "we need to eat nachos, NOW" bug. We stopped at the grocery store and bought all the required goodies. I forgot peppers, which kind of pissed me off because I think a good pepper is the cornerstone of kickass nachos. When I got home there was a girl waiting on my couch... we watched a butchered version of Wedding Crashers, then moved onto Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I fell asleep during the latter. She took off around 4:30a and I went to sleep.

This weekend has been a total success.

I want a pool pass 'cause that's what I want to do

I'm all gushy and pathetic today. End thought.

I got it all done at work yesterday. I worked late all week to make sure I was caught up, and yesterday went by fast, and was a breeze. I didn't even hate being there yesterday. It was just fine. There's this gray cat sitting next to me... not sure what his intentions are , but he's looking like he's got some kind of plan in mind. He's looking diabolical to say the least. He's gone now... but not before making me second guess what his motives were. I think he was going to kill me... little rat bastard.

I left work yesterday at 3:30pm and managed to stooge a ride home from one of the guys. It's always nice not to have to take the bus, and there might be a little tiny part of me that feels some shame in saying "Hey XYZ coworker... any chance you could drop me off at my house which is clearly out of your way?" Oh well. If someone would have asked me when I was with a car, I would have been happy to oblige.

I came home, and took a shower, and left within about 15 minutes. I was running low on time to get back to Hatfield, and I really mowed through cleaning myself up for Friday night. I met Drew at the bar at 4:30, and we drank a few beers and shot the shit. Maria and Emily came out around 5:30 or so, and we continued drinking beers. Maria left before it was too late, and everyone else followed suit not too long after. Emily came back to the house at night and I made grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato and fell asleep watching the $100,000 Pyramid. That show is crap. Oh well... there's never anything on at 1am, but the sandwich really hit the spot. Around 7am i took a car ride to collect some things, and I can't find my sweatshirt. I need to search that out... I'm not sure where it is, but I know exactly where it isn't. In my house.

I just got a call from Mike Nez saying that Justin has extra tickets for the Phillies vs Mets game today. There's many a good part about this. The tickets are free, which is totally a price I can get into. They are also 4 rows off the field. I can certainly get into that. Hopefully someone might want to hang out tonight, but if so I don't think I'd be getting home until 8ish, and hopefully that's not too late. I guess I'll find out.

No swine flu as of yet, I'm working on it... I hope I don't give up on it before it gives up on me. I announced to several strangers at the bar the other night that i had the Swine Flu, and one upstanding gentlemen said "I'm going to go out and get my gun out of the truck and take care of this critter." I've never been called a critter, to the best of my knowledge, let alone having that word round out a sentence where some dude was threatening to shoot me. Good times.

I've got to get myself a little bit cleaned up now, find a baseball jersey, get a poncho, and prepare to head down and watch some baseball. Have fun, blog, I intend on doing the same.

I don't know how I wound up at your apartment...

Last night I played pool, and brought my shitty mood with me. I was so excited to get home and take some kind of asprin, advil, 3/4 hole saw bit to the skull... anything to get rid of my headache, and there was nothing. I contemplated a kitchen knife to dig out the painful part of my brain but I couldn't even find that! I woke up this morning... and what do you know... still have a headache. I ran into work this morning and moved in to what I sometimes call "The Hangover Cabinet". This morning it was strictly medicinal. Pain-Aid to the rescue. Finally after 15 hours with a headache it seems to have subsided. Take that, brain...

I played pool last night against a girl who was completely awful. I should have won bigger than I did but I was really stumbling through the first game. It shouldn't have lasted as long as it did, and to be honest I was a little pissed off at myself for letting it go on. I just couldn't get it right during the first game. Oh well, I ended up winning 13-7, and our team won big. We were in 6th place last night, but gained 80 points. Depending on how we do next week we could be playoff bound. That would be fun. We might not play very well, and we might not bring A+ level pool etiquette to the game but we're a charismatic group of jerks, and I think we have a pretty good time. I can see myself doing this again in the summer. I like the people I play with, and I like knowing that I have sometime to do on Thursdays.

I didn't get the Swine Flu yesterday. I also didn't get the fallout bunker set up. We installed additional locks on the doors, and bought cupcake mix and DVDs. We're close to being ready for the Swine Flu Zombie Apocalypse. Just a few more clutch items and I think we'll be in business.

Today should be ok. I got a bunch of work done in the past few days, and it sets me up for a timely departure from this decrepit hellhole today. Just 7 more hours of sitting in the basement by myself and it'll be Friday time. I haven't talked to anyone about possible plans for the evening, but if it were up to me there would be the following:

1) Happy hour
2) A game of pool or two
3) Something awesome for dinner
4) Fall asleep watching terrible TV

The following is a list of things I don't want to do tonight:

1) Be alone
2) Not get the Swine Flu

Well, I'm gonna let this all go for the time being. Hopefully I can be in a better mood today, because I feel like I was a really anti-social miserable piece of shit yesterday. The best days are the days when someone says "What's wrong?" and the only response you have is "I don't know". Coffee is settling everything this morning, and NOFX's acoustic version of "My Orphan Year" could probably make me cry right now. Preparation for the inevitable is a really terrifying prospect, and you can never prepare yourself for total destruction, and the rearrangement of your life. Have fun out there in the blogosphere, I'll be basementing, and hopefully having a nice day... do the same... after all, it is Friday. I hear that not enjoying a Friday is the first sign of the Swine Flu. That and developing a short curly tail, and rolling around in as much crap as you can muster up. Swine Flu. What's next? Good gravy...